All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
