Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
