Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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