you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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