well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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