Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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