I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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