My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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