just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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