I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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