Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
