**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
