I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
