I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
