I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
