Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
