real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
