i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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