they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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