apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
why do cheetos always look like penises
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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