i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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