a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
