i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
