does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
