OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
