I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
