In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
