Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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