yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
