my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
