if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
