Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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