remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
