nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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