my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she looked like the before picture.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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