I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
