The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
