She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
