she woke up with a sticky ear
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
