after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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