Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
