My balls are so social today.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
