my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
