my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
