I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
