Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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