New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
