ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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