: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
