pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
