I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
