apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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