His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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