fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
