I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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